I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
