got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
