the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
