maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
