We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
