OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize