girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
