TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
