I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
