I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Even my vagina gasped.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can I color on your dick again?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
