If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
