At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
