I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize