it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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