I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
