yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
