Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
