Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
this will be a night to untag.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
