morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
