I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
