Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
