Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
