The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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