call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
