He kissed a someone with a penis
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
being pregnant is like rehab
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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