I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize