nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
