I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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