google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
