my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
