And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
