this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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