Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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