he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize