I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
