Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
