I've blown a few things in my day
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
