How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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