I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Every concussion has its silver lining
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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