my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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