you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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