I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
