Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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