i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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