Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
