yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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