i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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