Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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