note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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