so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
