never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
