So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
