I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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