So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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