I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
