Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
