omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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