Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
