I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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