I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
