That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
