i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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