So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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