Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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