You really coming over, don't trick.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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