The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
