Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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