I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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