so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
