had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
