My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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