I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
