When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
