dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
