My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
