How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
