please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
