Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
